When I first began to establish an ongoing writing practice, I would sit on the tall stool at my kitchen counter and try to write a letter to a friend…“Dear Jane…How are you doing in your new house? Have you moved in the furniture yet?”… Or something like that.
After only one paragraph, sometimes even a few sentences, no matter what I said, I would feel compelled to crumple up my paper and drop it on the floor. Nothing I wrote was good enough. I needed to write my friend Jane a perfect letter. And it was so difficult to be perfect, that I would end my writing session with no letter and a pile of crumpled papers at my feet. So poor Jane wouldn’t hear from me (and she wanted to). I was simply too critical of my writing.
If you’ve ever had a similar experience, I empathize with you. It can be distressing to want to express yourself, yet find that you’re too critical to complete, or even begin, a writing project. To counteract this kind of discouraging block, I suggest you take a look at what’s underneath your self-criticisms.
Here’s a way to do that:
1. When you notice yourself being overly critical, STOP!! Take out a sheet of paper to write down your critical thoughts. Yes, that will mean moving toward your self-criticism, rather than away.
2. When you’re done writing them down, take a few deep breaths. As you do this, move your attention out of your head, down into your body.
3. Then go back and carefully look over your list:
“You’ll never be a good writer…You’ve always been bad at writing…You’ll never be as good as Jo Anna at writing…etc.”
These thoughts may at first sound believable. But, start to notice the little exaggerations in words like “never” and “always”. Then become critical of your criticisms:
4. Next to each criticism you wrote on your paper, write a response to each one. Like this:
“How can you say I will never be a good writer? Can I foretell the future? No…How can you say I’ve always been bad at writing? Remember when Mrs. Wylie loved the story you wrote in 6rd grade. She gave you an A+…Why do you have to be like Jo Anna? She writes the way she does and you write the way you do. We are different and you have something to offer as a writer, as well…”
Uncovering the lie in each of your self-criticisms, will act like a crack in a glass. Your negative self-thinking will begin to drain away.
5. Besides arguing back, you can begin to repeat the truth to yourself. Say such things to yourself as:
“I want to be a good writer and I’ll do what it takes to become one…As a writer I am like no one else. I have unique and valuable things to say…There are people in the world who what to read what only I can write…”
Repeat these truthful things often enough to yourself and it will become your new reality. This is a tried and true way many people have overcome their negative thought patterns. Give it a try!
Soon after the time when I crumpled up all the letters I wrote to Jane, I started to keep a journal. My writing was still an effort, but it became easier after I realized that my difficulty came from imagining my friend Jane being critical when she read my letter. That image triggered my own self-judgment. I finally realized that no one else would read my journal, and they never have. That satisfied my need for safety, and I soon became able to express myself freely.
